


100 Reasons I hate Agent Washington

by chaWOOPa



Series: Red Vs Blue Short Stories [25]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Asexual Character, M/M, background implied grimmons because i am fucking trash, bad language, just cursing, look i am sorry, post season 13 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 00:45:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5270192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaWOOPa/pseuds/chaWOOPa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In one universe, Wash and Carolina get to see their friends again. In one Universe, Tucker gets to try to give them Maine’s armor back only to have them tell him to keep it. In one universe Tucker gets to send a list to Wash and Wash gets to hold Tucker after he reads it. In one Universe Wash gets to send Tucker his own list in retaliation and Carolina gets to collect on all the bets placed against their relationship. In one universe, the last two items on Tucker’s list doesn’t break Wash’s heart. In one universe, but not this one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	100 Reasons I hate Agent Washington

In one universe, Wash and Carolina get to see their friends again. In one Universe, Tucker gets to try to give them Maine’s armor back only to have them tell him to keep it. In one universe Tucker gets to send a list to Wash and Wash gets to hold Tucker after he reads it. In one Universe Wash gets to send Tucker his own list in retaliation and Carolina gets to collect on all the bets placed against their relationship. In one universe, the last two items on Tucker’s list doesn’t break Wash’s heart. In one universe, but not this one.

 

“ _100 Reasons I hate Agent Washington_ ”  the message pops up on Wash’s visor a few seconds before Carolina’s calls for the Reds and Blues are met with only static. Wash ignores it in favor of boarding Charon’s ship and finding the Chairman.

 

Wash doesn’t remember the battle. In fact, he doesn’t remember anything past finding the Reds and Blues.

 

When he finally does, they are in caskets in front of him. Grif and Simmons were next to each other, just like always. Then Sarge, looking almost peaceful in death, something that was so different from who he was that it almost made Wash laugh. Next to him was Donut, Wash barely registered that his hair should have faded from his time in the military, but if he had he would have wondered just how Donut had kept it such a violent shade of pink. Lopez, being a robot, was the only one of the reds to survive, and even though he had insisted he hated the Reds, he had still shown up to their funeral, after he had been built a new body.

 

“Idiota,” he kept saying quietly as he looked at Sarge.

 

Caboose was the hardest to look at. He was positioned right between Doc and an empty space where Chur-Epsilon, would have been if he had had a body. Then, on his own and looking like he was asleep, was Tucker. Where Caboose made Wash want to sob, the sight of Tucker put him beyond even sadness. He felt heavy, like there was something sitting on his shoulders pushing him deeper into the earth under his feet. He knew no one could see him as long as he had his helmet on so he let the tears fall.

 

The only reason he didn’t flee the room was that he could still feel the Chairman’s neck in his hand. He could still feel his hands scratching and pulling at Wash’s infinitely stronger ones in an attempt to get his breath back. If Carolina hadn’t stopped Wash, the Chairman would be dead.

 

“ _100 reasons I hate Agent Washington_ ”  the phrase popped into his head as he looked down at Tucker’s body. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, why he was pulling up something that would make him want to cry and/or kill someone, but there was no stopping him now.

 

“ _1\. His dumb freckles._

_2\. His perfect fucking hair._

_3\. Leg Day_

_4\. His fucking giggle_

_5\. The way his eyes look in the sun, you know, that silver light that shows up sometimes when it hits them at just the right angle? Yeah._

_6\. His perfect fucking teeth. Like Seriously Dude, you couldn’t have one slightly crooked tooth? You couldn’t be imperfect in one fucking way? That is just unfair._

_7\. That dumb, lopsided grin of his he gets after he tells a bad joke that he knows is a bad joke._

_8\. His bad jokes._

_9\. The way he smirks when he knows he is right or he has won an argument._

_10\. His fucking smirk._

_11\. Leg day_

_12\. The way his eyes crinkle at the sides when he smiles._

_13\. The way he shows only his top teeth when he smiles._

_14\. The way he bites his lip when he thinks._

_15\. The way he sticks his tongue out at people underneath his helmet._

_16\. The way he thinks I don’t know he does it._

_17\. That I do it back sometimes._

_18\. The way he snorts very slightly when he really laughs at something_

_19\. The fact that I only know that because Epsilon showed me a video from Freelancer with him, York, North, and Maine._

_20\. The way he looks at Caboose_

_21\. The way he cares about us misfits._

_22\. When I wanted to stand around in a canyon talking to my friend just like old times I didn’t appreciate his presence but he never left me by choice and I hate him for it_

_23\. The way he tried to help._

_24\. The way he treated Caboose, like a sibling who he wanted to help._

_25\. The way he put up with my moaning about Grif and Simmons_

_26\. The way he didn’t pretend like he was never the bad guy_

_27\. The way he tried to calm down Carolina when we first met her_

_28\. The way he breathed when he was asleep, all slow and peaceful…_

_29\. The way he let me help him with his nightmares_

_30\. The fact that I can say number 28 and he will know that I am not a creep because we did sleep with each other (not in the sex way) for a while._

_31\. The fact that when I told him I am Asexual he fucking giggled and said, ‘me too you dumbass’_

_32\. The fact that he didn’t tell me I was broken when I told him about being ace._

_33\. The fact that he sat and listened to me talk about my kid for hours._

_34\. That weird sparkle in his eye that made me finally stop talking_

_35\. The way he waved it off as a trick of the light_

_36\. The fact that I believed him for a while_

_37\. The way he thinks the best course of action is always to sacrifice himself for everyone he loves_

_38\. The fact that if I skip a number he will notice and give me shit for it._

_39\. He loves music from the 1920’s. How the fuck did he even get a hold of any of that? I don’t even know how many years ago that was now._

_40\. He doesn’t even know how much of a dork he is._

_41\. He loves cats._

_42\. Leg day._

_43\. That fucking obstacle course, like, what the fuck even was that?_

_44\. He loves hot cocoa and marshmallows but hasn’t had it since the Christmas before he enlisted_

_45\. His ability to hold a grudge_

_46\. His perfect memory_

_47\. His booty._

_48\. Leg day_

_49\. His love of literature_

_50\. Wow, 50 already? The fact that he would probably still be reading this list if he ever got to see it._

_51\. His fucking faith in us idiots._

_52\. His killer abs_

_53\. The grey hairs and brownish-red roots of his supposed to be blonde hair._

_54\. The freckles he has literally all over his pale-as-fuck body_

_55\. The way he hogs the blankets_

_56\. The way he cuddles close in his sleep_

_57\. The way he nuzzles his head into the crook of my neck, making his breath tickle my shoulder and making me want to laugh but have to hold it in so he doesn’t wake_

_58\. He needs more fucking sleep._

_59\. He needs to loosen up sometimes_

_60\. He spends way too much time training_

_61\. He drinks his coffee any way he can get it_

_62\. He prefers massive amounts of creamer and sugar_

_63\. His favorite flavor of creamer from back on Earth was Peppermint Mocha_

_64\. He told me about his past_

_65\. He knew that when I am having a panic attack it helps to hear someone’s voice so he just talks when they happen now._

_66\. He didn’t ask why I have nightmares and panic attacks until I was ready to tell him._

_67\. When I told him about mine, he told me about his_

_68\. Agent ‘cockroach’ Washington_

_69\. Cars legit hate him_

_70\. He has a problem with cliffs_

_80\. He is so much smarter than he thinks_

_81\. He is stronger than he thinks too_

_82\. If I die, he will be able to move on._

_83\. He has PTSD, just like me_

_84\. He is too good of a person to deserve having it. In fact, Felix is too good of a person to deserve having it, but that is besides the point. Wash is a fucking amazing person_

_85\. He doesn’t think he is a good person_

_86\. I am his best friend_

_87\. He will never read this list._

_88\. I will never get to send this to him because I am going to die on this ship._

_89\. I know he is gonna kill Hargrove for my death._

_90\. I will never see his dumb face again_

_91\. He will never seem my dumb face again_

_92\. My master plan will never come to fruition_

_93\. I have to finish this list as I am bleeding out on the ground_

_94\. He is on his way in a pelican and I don’t think I will be able to hold on until he gets here_

_95\. He will outlive me by a long time_

_96\. Epsilon will never get to say he is sorry for what he did_

_97\. He will never get to read this._

_98\. I will die without kissing him once_

_99\. I hate that I love him because all that is gonna bring him is pain_

_100\. I hate I never told him I did because now he will never know._ ”

  
In one universe, Wash responds to Tucker’s message with a list of his own that ended with an ‘I love you too,’ but in this universe… In this one Wash only manages one sentence before he breaks down; “I miss you so much.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry.  
> I am so not sorry.  
> I am so sorry.


End file.
